Worst Souvenir Ever

My fantastic sister Chelle, her husband and two very lucky children have just returned from one whole month in Vanuatu.

(Thats my niece Sian and nephew Finn exploring)

They ate, relaxed by the beach...and by all accounts not much more than that went on. Yes, I am jealous.

Chelle and I have a game going where when one of us goes on a holiday, we bring back the absolute tackiest and most hideous souvenir we can find.

What makes this game even more delightful for me, is that my sister has impeccable taste. Really. Her house is so beautifully themed in black, white and silver all the time. If her children have ever made a mess in their lives, i've never seen it. Even her bedroom (which in my house is a quick-throw-the-clean-clothes in-and-hope-they-know-their-own-way-to-the-wardrobe-themselves situation) is flawless.

The idea of a wonderfully tacky, gaudy souvenir existing in her Modern Housekeeping haven tickles me to bits.

In 2008 I went to Fiji (WORST.HOLIDAY.EVER. No really- it was my 21st and I spent the whole time fighting with my ex and pretty much broke up with him the second plane landed, baha.)

I purchased these little delights for Chelle to proudly showcase-

(Coincidentally I found a pic of the exact same dolls at this fantastic website, Crap Souvenirs.)

Yes. Coconut dolls. They also double as ash-trays- their little creepy mouths pop open, munching butts. (Cigarette butts, that is.)

Everytime I went to Chelles house I asked where she had these little gems were, acting all offended if they werent on prominent display (which of course, they never were.)

When my sisters shed went up in flames, I like to think that in my sisters mind, the only silver lining was that these little coconut people were destroyed.

I thought I had won this game.

OH NO.

Look at this treasure that came all the way from Vanuatu for me-

You should have SEEN the smirk on my sisters face.

I have named her Babs. Im not sure why, she just seems like a Babs to me.

What I didnt expect was for Billasaurus Rex to have such an extreme reaction to it. He is a very mellow, easy going, chilled out kind of guy, but as soon as he saw Babs he FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.

He cant even articulate why- I think its something to do with the evil grin she is giving.

And so- because I like to push boundaries and find out just how good natured Billasaurus Rex really is- I am being a menace with Babs.

The first day I put it in front of his keyboard, knowing he would get home from work, flop down in front of the computer, and Babs would be glaring straight at him from behind that evil one eye.

I thought that would be the end of it. I would even go so far as to say I was smug when I came home. The first thing I did was check the mail-

Oh, its on like Donkey Kong.

Billasaurus Rex is currently playing pool with his friends. What am I doing? Plotting like a maniac my next move, giddily wandering around rooms thinking of the best possible spot for Babs to pop up and freak him out next.

Some contenders?

Babs waiting to pounce from BR's favourite breakfast meal like a satanic cereal box toy.

Relaxing by his favourite drinks when he will come home and reach for one...

Subtly hiding near the frozen goods? (Yes, my freezer is atrociously organised.)

Or, how about greeting him when he gets up in the middle of the night to go pee, still groggy from his slumber?

(My Mum does love a wooden toilet seat and sponged powder blue bathroom decor.)

So, whats your vote?

Do you have any suggestions for placed to hide Babs and horrify Billasaurus Rex?