Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Wednesday, 21 March 2012

The day I found a penguin in the suburbs


On a sunny Tuesday, I found a penguin in suburban Geelong.

I'm not a big believer in the universe and its mysterious ways, a bit of a sceptic even. But maybe, after this, I believe a little bit more.

I was 19 at the time and staying at my boyfriends house. We had been together for three years and were absolutely inseperable. In hindsight it wasnt inseparable in a cute way, it was more inseperable in the less fortunate, co-dependent way.

We had never had a major argument- until this particular night. I dont remember  how it started even- but I know it had something to do with me spilling chocolate sundae on his car interior.

There were tears, and screaming. The screaming eventually moved on to him shoving me around, and then pushing me on to the ground. It was quite late at this stage, and anyone who has ever had an all out argument knows that they are draining.

He finally let up, and went to bed. I got into the bed and joined him- before I knew it I was crashing down onto the floorboards.

The man I thought I loved so dearly said in a chilling tone that I can never forget- 'You're a dog. Dogs sleep on the floor.'

I lay awake on that floor for hours, not daring to get into the bed with him. I started off bawling, then sniffling, then got angry, then bawled again. As I stared at that ceiling (brown ceiling fan, white chipped paint and with cobwebs, how could I ever forget?) I wondered how had I gotten to this point? How had I let this man treat me this way?

I started to think about who I was, and what I wanted out of my life. Every plan I thought of, he wasnt in. I made a massive mental to-do list, and the last little goal I had before going to sleep was to one day hold a penguin. I imagined holding this tiny littly fluffy creature and smiled before dozing off.

In the morning I had had a change of heart. I woke my boyfriend up with breakfast and a sincere apology. I told him that I was sorry for upsetting him, and I would do my best not to again. I told him I was sorry for making him scream and shove me, and that I would do better.

Remembering my grand list of plans, I pushed them to the back of my mind. I was being stupid- how or where was I ever going to hold a penguin?!

We left the house for the day. As my boyfriend was locking up, I noticed there was something under his car.

As I walked down the driveway, I thought perhaps it was a Macca's bag or a bit of branch.

I strained my eyes- it had moved? Maybe it was a kitten?

My boyfriend was taking his sweet ass time getting organised. I wasnt holding him up for once, and he was in a reasonable mood after my apology. I walked up to the car, placed my bag on the ground and crouched down.



Halfway down I heard a tiny little 'MARP MARP MARP!'

Holy shit. Huddled next to the wheel of the car, was a tiny, fluffy PENGUIN.

I stared at it for what felt like an eternity.

Finally I stood up and said to my boyfriend matter-of-fctly, 'There's a penguin under your car.'

He scowled at me. 'Real funny.'

I motioned for him to come to the car and look for himself. He lay down under the car, and came up bewildered.

'Holy shit! There's a penguin under my car!'

As we both stood there mouths agape, I had noticed a stray cat circling the car. He seemed mighty interested in the penguin, who looked like it was trying to be invisible next to the tyre.

The sound started again- 'MARP MARP MARP MARP!'

Thinking quickly for the first time in my life (and the only time since!) I scooped up the penguin in my hands. It's tiny wings flapped against the side of my hands.

I remembered that my boyfriend's neighbour was a Wildlife Ranger for Parks Victoria. Maybe it had somehow hitched a ride home with him?

We ran up the street like banshees.

"STEWART!!" I yelled at his front door, 'WE HAVE A PENGUIN!!!' (Apparently, my brain was too busy to consider the doorbell.)

'What?' we heard as he slowly opened the door, 'You've probably found an injured native bird, an ibis or something...'

He looked from my hands, then back to me. 'Fuck me- it IS a penguin.'

I slowly passed my new little friend on to Stewart, who wrapped the penguin up in a tea towel. We sat at his kitchen table incredulous, whilst he made a few phone calls.

It turns out, there was a wildlife rescue house in the court behind my exes house. Somehow overnight, this tiny little penguin Houdini had escaped from their care and went for a wander!

The poor ife rescue lady had been looking for him all night, before giving up, thinking me must have been eaten by a neighbourhood cat. (They have been known to find penguins delicious.)

So- that was the day I found a penguin in the suburbs. It could be completely unrelated and totally random, but I like to think that the Universe, God, or whoever you believe in was sending me a little signal to say that even the craziest dreams can be achieved.

Monday, 13 February 2012

How We Met- Happy Love Day

Happy Love Day!

In honour of the this annual love fest, I thought I would share the story of how Billasaurus Rex stole my heart- how we first met.

It's Ok- he didnt actually steal my heart

'Tis a long sprawling tale, of true love overcoming all obstacles. Not really.

The scene: It's 2001.

-Big Brother in all its scandalous glory premieres on Australian TV.
- John Howard is PM
- Moulin Rouge is released
- and finally, and most importantly: Britney and Justin (no last name needed people) rock up to the VMAS in these little treasures

I know.
I was 14, and heavily into butterfly clips, glitter gel, blue eyeliner stolen from my sister, and large, basketball sized hoop earrings. Yes, altogether. Dont be a hater.

Whilst you contemplate how cool I was (and continue to be, thankyou very much) I feel I must paint the whole picture. I was a Scout (- 6,000,000,000 cool points), had not yet discovered eyebrow tweezing despite my monobrow sprouting out of my head and practically screaming at me to address it, I had prominent buck teeth, and I literally had not yet packed away my doll house and Barbie collection.

My best friend however had developed a little more rapidly. She was the same age as I, but was blonde and curvy in all the places I did not yet know I needed to be. She lived next door to our local skate park, and the skater boys had given her the nickname TNA (Tits N Ass.) She wore that name like a tarty badge.

I was SO JEALOUS. When would the skater boys objectify me, dammit?!

Whilst my friend went on dates every weekend to drink Southern Comfort stolen from her dads liquor cabinet with boys, I stayed at home and drew pictures of unicorns.

Whilst my friend bleached her hair and was so sophisticated she "got layers" in her hair, I brushed over my thick unruly curls, not brushing it properly and developing thick dreadlocks underneath.

Seriously, I was surely only a week away from this

One weekend my friend ran up to me excitedly and said she had showed some friend of her latest boyfriend's my picture- and he thought I was cute!

My brain exploded. Whaa???? Someone thought I was cute?! A BOY thought I was cute?

Nevertheless, I wasnt going to argue.

"He wants to go on a date with you! We'll make it a double date!"

I had a date! I had a date? A date!

And then the terror creeped in. I had a date.

In preparation, my girlfriend stayed over the night before. She put my hair in a million rags so it would look full and sexy and kinda like it had been permed.

We watched a movie to help get me in a fun light hearted mood-

Source: imdb.com

If it was meant to prevent me from sleeping and keep me up all night, it was working.

During the movie, whilst pinning my rags torturously tight to my head, my friend slips in the fact that this boy wasnt just any boy- he was an OLDER boy. He was 17!

I lied awake all night, half terrorised from IT, and half freaking the fuck out over this date. An OLDER BOY?

He would be sophisticated! (Heh. If only I knew then what I know now about 17yo boys.) He would be a Year 10! He would be...the perfect bragging story to take back to my other school friends on Monday! (If I every survived this date)




We were seeing Evolution at our local cinema. I stole my sisters JOOP! perfume, and wore every butterfly clip I had ever owned in my hair.

It's worth mentioning at this stage that those well-intendd rag curls had not quite gone to plan. It looked like I had teased my hair to its limits, then placed the butterfly clips on the top like a delicate, ridiculous nest.

We met the boys and my friend and her bf made out whilst this guy Billasaurus Rex and I stood there awkwardly. I stared at my feet whilst I shuffled them.

Finally the awkwardness of conversation had ended and we went into the cinema. I was relieved that I didnt have to chat for a while, and that the awkwardness was over for atleast the duration of the movie.

OH, HOW WRONG I WAS.

During the credits, this Billasaurus chap and I made a little chit-chat. He was funny! He didnt seem that suave for a 17yo...but what did I know? Maybe he was a sex fiend.

He told me that he had left high school and was working full-time. WOW. HE WAS SO SOPHISTICATED. I made a mental note not to tell him about all the unicorn pictures I had drawn. And definitely dont mention you still on occasion play with your Barbies.

The movie started, and was very funny.




There were some mildy cringe-worthy moments, like when our hands touched trying to access the salty gold that is popcorn. I snatched my hand away as soon as his brushed mine, thinking that I was annoying to him when he was trying to get to the popcorn. I thought of my brothers- they REALLY didnt like it if anything got in the way of their food.

AND THEN, IT HAPPENED.


He tapped me on the shoulder. My whole body blushed, and Im sure I was heating up the whole room with my blushing.

He leaned in like he was going to kiss me. KISS ME? I hadnt prepared for this! Holy shit!

He went left- I went to the left too. He went right- I awkwardly did too. For atleast 5 seconds we were bobbing our heads to either side, frantically just wishing for the other one to figure it out so it wasnt so freaking awkward. I would have looked like a deer in the headlights!

Finally, he commits to one side that he will lean in and kiss me on. He comes closer.....

I close my eyes....

...closer again....

THUD.

HE HEADBUTTED ME IN THE FACE?




I gave him a look of pure confusion, that conveyed all the What-The-Fuckery that was going on in my head.

He couldn't meet my eye, and shrank in his chair.

As soon as the movie was over, we didnt hang about. We both begged our respective friends to leave straight after the credits rolled, and did not say a word to each other after.




And not another word was said between us for another 10 years, when one day at a bar I was approached by a friendly, handsome man who said to me, 'Hey- didn't I headbutt you once?'


x

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Valentines for the Practical Man


Source: Red Bubble



What to get for the manly man on Valentines Day?

Coathangers? Jumper cables? A torch? A David Bowie DVD when he isnt particularly a fan?

(All of the above I have actually received as VD presents at some stage.)

I came across this little gem randomly when online today- the iBottleopener.

Source: iBottleopener


Billasaurus Rex has just upgraded to an iPhone, after having a dinosaur (heh!) of an old nokia forever.

I bought this as a start on his VD pressie- something small and not flashy, but hopefully he will still appreciate it!

Basically the back slides out to be a bottle opener, without the bottle actually being in contact with your iPhone. BR loves a good gadget, and this of course aligns with his love affair with beer.


Billasaurus is what most people would desribe as a "manly man". He loves camping, hiking, kayaking, beer drinking, playing pool and spending time with the boys.

How we ever managed to bump into each other is a miracle, because thats so not me. Lol!

He is also quite blunt- I will never forget the WTF look on his face when I bought him Diesel cologne for our first Christmas. He smiled at me half-heartedly and placed it on his shelf.




It has been in that same exact spot for over 12 months now!

Hopefully I dont fail as spectacularly this year.

Etsy is a treasure trove of funny little cards:
Source: Etsy (sweetperversion)

Source: Etsy (JulieAnnArt)
Source: Etsy (JulieAnnArt)


What will you be buying your significant other/friend/self this Valentines Day?

Friday, 20 January 2012

Tageriffic

Tag! You're It



I was tagged by two lovely other bloggers, Cazzamataz of A Sweeter Kind of Vinegar and Klara of Click Your Heels. Thanks girls, my first tag thingy-whosy-whatsit. Lets hope I dont let anyone down with my overwhelmingly mundane life! :)


Firstly here are the rules...
1.You must post the rules.

2.Post eleven fun facts about yourself on the blog post.
3.Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post, and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you've tagged.

4.Tag eleven people and link them on your post
5.Let them know you've tagged them!



11 fun facts...

Fun Fact 1:

 I come from a ridiculous, large, crazy, loud, insane family. Seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Think of my family as that, with less John Corbett (which is a shame, really), not being Greek, and more lunacy. I am one of seven (!) children, and all but two of us have children of their own. Some sisters, like K, are really holding their end up of the bargain with 4 kids of her own! Wowzers. Christmas is interesting, we all talk over each other and fight for available chairs, but I wouldnt have it any other way.

Fun Fact 2:

I am severely uncoordinated. So much so, that my Mum was called up to the school at the end of Grade Prep to discuss my progress. Mrs Thomson said It was dire, and I could possibly have to stay behing in Grade Prep. Mum was very worried and slightly panicky, and asked the teacher how I could possibly be behind.

'But I taught her to read before she even started school! How is it possible to fall that far behind?! Is it her maths skills?'

Mrs Thomson told my mother that no, academically I was coping well, but in PE I was failing miserably. I could not catch a ball to save my life, when I attempted to run I tripped over my own feet or quite often just the air, and when the rest of the class did somersaults, I simply tumbled over.

Needless to say I was not held behind, I think my teacher had a touch of the hysterics. I progressed well academically however am famous within my group of family and friends (also work and uni!) for lacking coordination.

To this day my family will pour drinks for every other family member (even the young ones) in glass goblets, but pour me a drink in a plastic tumbler. Ergh.

Fun Fact 3:

Im allergic to strawberries.

Fun Fact 4:

Billasaurus Rex and I actually met ten years prior to dating. At the time I wrote in my diary that it was 'The single most awkward and embarassing moment of my life so far.'

Fun Fact 5:

I am a proud owner of a four year old wiggly, snorty, frumply, stubborn, adorable and poorly-trained Pug.


His name is Pokey. (After my favourite Golden Book as a child, the Poky Little Puppy.) We have been through some pretty tough times together, I dont know how I ever lived without him!

Fun Fact 6:

I have had a blog before- in fact my blog was instrumental in helping me lose 20kgs.

Fun Fact 7:

My best friend and I have a very vulgar nickname that we call each other. It’s highly offensive- so naturally I adore it. In fact, we had necklaces made up bearing our rude nicknames.

Fun Fact 8:

I am very fascinated in all things Japanese. Hello Kitty, crazy game shows, tea ceremonies, geisha and maiko, the fashion, temples, war history…I love it all. I can’t wait for my trip in April!

Fun Fact 9:

My dad looks just like Santa . At Christmas time every year without fail he is asked to be Santa at an office party, or some kid tells him what they want for Christmas when out shopping. It cracks me up every time and he is such a good natured, kind man he usually just plays along.


Fun Fact 10:

I have quite a makeup collection. When I had my wisdom teeth removed and was completely out of it on the pain medication they had given me, my sister came into my room to see how I was feeling.

In my drug addled state I went through my entire makeup collection (drawers and drawers at the time) and held her hostage, explaining what each and every item was and how it was used.

I don’t remember this at all, but apparently I kept repeating the words ‘crease’, ‘stipple’, ‘pop’ and ‘dewy’.  She had to wait until I fell asleep so she could leave!


Fun Fact 11:

My boss at work is very outrageous- and I have loved him dearly since I first met him. The very first thing he ever said to me was, ‘Well Cindy- there is no ‘I’ in team, but there is on the end of my dick.’

So wrong. So inappropriate. So reportable to HR. So my new best friend for his absurdity.


Onto my questions from Klara at Click Your Heels...

1. What diary are you using in 2012?
 This year I am using a boring black Kikki K leather day to a page thingy. I have always used diaries rather haphazardly- I am really endeavouring to use my diary to get organised! So far, I’m going pretty well.

2. Have you travelled overseas before? Where?

Yes- When I was 14 I went to New Zealand with some friends, and I went to Fiji in 2008 for my 21st Birthday and whilst we were over there my sister got married too. 

In 2012 I will be going on two overseas trips- in April I am travelling by myself to Japan for two and a half weeks, and in June I am going with my niece and two sisters to Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand on a cruise.  I’m very lucky!

3. What is your family heritage?

My Mum’s maiden name is Hepburn- we are very Scottish. Im pretty bog standard English/Scottish Australian.

4. What is your favourite place to eat out?

Hmmm…well in Geelong I would say Empire Grill, because I’m a big fan of their roast duckling, wagyu beef, peanut butter pave…you can clearly tell I love it!

5. What handbag are you currently using?

A cheap one from Sportsgirl- it has a million little pockets and flaps to hide things in. I’m not a designer bag kind of person.

6. What is your favourite alcoholic and non-alcoholic drink? 
 I’m quite partial to a Long Island Ice Tea, and last night I tried a new drink which tastes like magic and unicorns! Lol.

Non –alcoholic I would probably say green tea, Nestea, and Diet Coke.

 7. What type of exercise or hobby do you do?

Oh god- exercise is the bane of my existence. I like going for a walk though.

I have a million hobbies, usually taken up and dropped quickly. These have included- polymer clay, jewellery making, painting, creating felt food, sewing, collage, photography, journaling, boxing, makeup, board games etc. Can you tell I have a short attention span?

8. What is your favourite lipstick or lip gloss?

I love MAC Shy Girl lippie, it’s a peachy coloured one. Unfortunately I left it in my jeans pocket yesterday when I put my jeans in the dryer….no more lippie, no more jeans, and now I need to scrub my dryer.

9. What is the most daring thing you have ever done?

This sounds tame, but I left a secure and well-paying career that I am very good at to go to university as a mature aged student and study Primary School Teaching. It doesn’t sound like a big deal- but it was a big decision and has impacted my life dramatically.

The most daring and definitely the bravest thing I have ever done was leave a physically and emotionally abusive relationship almost two years ago. It took every fibre of my being to get the strength to realise I just did not deserve that anymore, or at all. I swallowed my pride, moved back in with my parents, and have not looked back.

10. How long have you been a blogger? What made you start?

Ive blogged inconsistently since 2008-the first was a weight loss blog which worked for me at the time. This time I just wanted a place to get my thoughts out there, but be interactive at the same time. I still keep a private journal but wanted the social aspect a blog can provide.

11. Are you a MAC or a PC person?

PC- Only because I have no freaking idea how to use a MAC.

My questions for those I have tagged: (And of course anyone who else that wants to take part in the comments!)
1. Have you ever been in love? If so, how many times?
2. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would you have?
3. Favourite book?
4. Your life is being made into a movie- who is playing you?
5. In the afore mentioned movie, who plays the love interest?
6. Favourite band?
7. My tip to Cindy on how to be organised is...
8. Favourite website?
9. You're home alone. What do you do?
10. When I grow up I want to be.....
11. What would you like future generations to remember you for?

 Lastly here are my TAGS...

Bec at The Secret Lives of Op Shops

Tully at You Would Be Pretty If...

Mez at Domestic Divinity

Jennifer at Polka Dot Pearls

Ling at Pork Chop's Nest

Miss Directions

Miss R at My Favourite Colour is Green

Queen V at The Etail Queen


Aelie at The Autumn Castle

Kiki at Kiki Chaos

Tuesday, 10 January 2012

I Love You?


If your relationship was absent of those three little words, how would you feel?

Are those words when a relationship really starts, or a nice addition to an already great relationship?

Is it more important to hear that phrase, than to be treated with love?

Billosaurus Rex and I have been in a relationship for almost 18 months. I have been happier in these quick months than I ever was in the previous 6 years with my ex.

Yet, those 'I Love You' words have been elusive. At first I was too scared to even think about them- my previous relationship was catastrophic and I didnt think Id ever feel that way again. And then...I started to.

Initially, I was indignant that I would not say them first. (Ridiculous, in hindsight.)

The words danced on my lips every kiss, every laugh, and every smile we were together.

And then this NYE they finally tumbled out (when I was drunk no less.)

In return, the man who I love so dearly, replied with....nothing.

Not a word.

And so my followers: What would you do? Wait patiently for them to be returned? Abandon ship?

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Get ready for the most earth shattering first post ever written

It appears I have now made a habit of extraordinary claims like 'best first post ever!', and then failing to back it up. Im sorry for that.

You may have noticed, this is a blog.

My blog.

First posts are awkward. Awkward like a first date with someone who you dont particularly know, and its shaping up that you dont reeallly want to. In this scenario, I am the person sitting opposite you nervously filling in the awkward silence with my incessant, desperate jibber jabber, whilst you are hiding your hand under the murky, formerly clear, plastic table cloth desperately hoping your friend will call in regards to that 'emergency'.

A tumbleweed passes by the table.

So, what will this blog be about?

I can tell you what it wont be about-

- This is NOT a Mummy blog. I would rather stab muself in the eye than read another debate on different nappies and hear women hate on each other for their individual choices. Plus, I dont have kids which would make content problematic.


Source: Dainty Mom

- This is NOT a Wedding blog. No hate on those, they always look so shiny and glossy full of whimsy. I however, have this lofty idea (stay with me now) that to be the creator of such a blog, you should probably be atleast engaged, or even somewhat close to it. (Controversial, no?) I am nowhere near that.

- This is NOT an accordian and bagpipe appreciation blog. I hope something like that exists for those people out there that yearn to connect with other fans of offensive sounding instruments, I really do. This however, is not that blog. (ETA: Oh! Here it is!)

- This is not style blog. I like those, but I dont have style. Plus, I would have to take myself more seriously and actually leave the house without the remnants of my breakfast soiling my clothes.


SO WHAT KIND OF BLOG IS THIS EXACTLY?

Well, its unique. I may have overpromised on the awesome part, but it IS unique.

So, I buy makeup. I might write about that.
I buy clothes and things. I might write about that.
I do day to day activities, I might write about that.
I could be an agony aunt. Oooh, please someone write to me with your problems.
Books, movies, music, friends, families, relationships...I could write about that too!

And maybe the odd app review.

(Im sorry, I lied. I wont be doing any app reviews. Its much kinder to let you know now, than have you trawl this place looking for them. Plus, I would actually have to remember my iTunes password for that.)

This blog may also contain traces of nuts (by that I mean, me being nuts.)

So heres a question for my (imaginary) readers:
Lapdancing- how would you feel about your boyfriend getting one without your knowledge? Is it cheating? Is it a waste of money? Is it a dealbreaker, or no big issue?